A Heartless Dawn by Drishti Soni

August 4, 2018
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August 3, 2018
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August 5, 2018

A Heartless Dawn

3:21 am

Someone stabbed me in the chest and carved my heart out

I swear, I can feel no pain but I can see the blood flow

It tickles my skin ever so lightly as it trickles all over me in thin lines, and I almost smile – but my heart is gone

I hear the ticking of the clock, remembering what it was like to have a beating heart.

I bring my hand, gently, to my chest. It is sealed. Frustrated at the sensation of blood coming from there, I beat it.

All I hear is an echo.

It is hollow.

Someone stabbed me in the chest and carved my heart out.

 

4:07 am

Smoke – often an aesthetic, you see it all over Instagram, right?

But for me it remained an anti-aesthetic

Bursts of smoke – sporadic, muffling their surroundings then disappearing

Ashes that need to be dusted

Dented, where my fingers pressed it too hard

A tinge of red from the security lights gleamed through the smoke

I laughed a hearty laugh

Nothing can hurt me now, not even something as tangible as this smoke

Someone stabbed me in the chest and carved my heart out.

 

6:43 am

Still at my window, the sun rises

Tears brim and vanish

Brim and vanish

Like when the sea fills itself in your footprints on the beach

Fills them up; Glides away

Brim and vanish

Someone stabbed me in the chest and carved my heart out.

 

9:00 am

What is it about exact timings that freaked me out?

Like I needed to get something important done

It was time

But today, I sat serenely at my window

Clock ticking, eyes glazed from waves of light and water

Internal and external

Sun and tears

And I sat there just a tad fidgety

Frozen body, burning hollow

Just a tad fidgety

Someone stabbed me in the chest and carved my heart out.

 

9:08 am

Scribble and fumble and almost tear the paper apart

I’m writing, yes I’m writing

It cannot stop; I can barely process the words myself as I put them down

I’m writing with all my heart ??????

Smudges and elaborations and everything,

A conglomerate of every emotion, combination, description everything

I don’t know what I feel, but I barely have time to process it

And when the pen stops; I barely make it to the top of the page

-Trying to decipher my own words –

When something caught my eye,

Written unmistakably

“I stabbed myself in the chest and carved my heart out

For so long, I tried not to feel, and today I did it-

Only to blame someone else for my blood soaked remains

And the heart that lay – intact – at my feet”


About the Author

Drishti Soni is a 19 year old Indian student with a love for writing,connecting and everything she begins to delve into.She loves traveling, art and the malleability of humans. Having battled depression, she tends to be very expressive of emotions over plots!

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