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February 7, 2019
February 9, 2019


She is never on time. Late or early by at least half an hour is a good rule when timing her. It is not disrespect nor is it disinterest, but a different perspective of time. Her paradigm does not have a section for temporal relations just as most people have a fixation on it. As you wait for her you realize that she never chooses the same place to meet. When she arrives seventeen minutes late she orders a smoothie and a muffin while you eat a steak sandwich and some corn chips.

She never talks before you, so you tell her about your day. She nods and looks directly into your eyes while you talk. It is unnerving, but she insists on direct eye contact so that she can read your mood and actively listen. These are her words, but they sound right to you.

Your friends tell you: “She seems like a nut job. Don’t let her change you, man.”

After you are both done eating she starts to tell you about which current issues she discovered today and how she has decided to tackle them. If the wild horses are in danger she will write letter to congress, the president, and whoever else she can, unceasingly, until something is done. If letters do not work, she will call them. Incessantly. You ask if that is stalking. She tells you that they are our representatives and they signed on for harassment when they were elected to public office. She says that as a constituent she has that right. It seems to make sense to you.

She asks you about your passions and you are unable to answer. She says that everyone has to have a passion because without them life is empty. She asks you about your sorrows and you say you don’t want to whine. She tells you that without sorrow there is no joy.

Your friends say: “Philosophical bullshit. Why do you even talk to her? All she does is fill your mind with junk that doesn’t matter.”

You finally ask a question, but it is stupid. You tell her so, but she just laughs and shakes her head. She tells you that there are no stupid questions. She answers your question with a word that shocks even you. Pagan. You ask her what she means and she says that if you didn’t want to know what religion she was, you shouldn’t have asked. You ask her more about being pagan and she tells you not to say the words Satanism or hell. She doesn’t believe in hell. She says that she will answer any question you ask her, just to clarify that she is not evil.

Your friends say: “She’s a Satanist, dude! Leave her alone, she’ll sacrifice you to her dark gods!”

You learned in church: Do not suffer a witch to live.

She tells you that it’s bullshit. She has read the bible, twice, and the original Hebrew translation of this line is really: Do not suffer a poisoner to live among you. You don’t know who to believe. She tells you to believe in yourself and to not follow blindly. She tells you to not believe even what she says without question.

Your friends say: “Who are you? That girl has changed you. We want you back.”

You tell them that you are back. This is who you always were and who you want to be. She asks you if you are happy. She says that happiness is the only thing that matters


Elizabeth Shuler was born and raised in Cody, WY where she was the weirdo pantheist/pagan. After graduating from The University of Wyoming with a Master’s in Counseling, she decided to travel the world and work with adolescents. Shuler currently works as an international school counselor, writes in her spare time, and is still a pantheist and a wierdo.