POETRY

Poet Wrestling with Reverse {Re-verse} String Theory

by Rosebud Ben-Oni

Poet Wrestling with Reverse {Re-verse} String Theory

Poet Wrestling with Reverse {Re-verse} String Theory

 

 

 

 

What if we are the science

fiction.  ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​​​ Or the humors

 

of dark energy.  ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​​​ Who will always be stronger. & who​​ 

the diction.  ​​ ​​​​ To gain influence & power.  ​​ ​​ ​​​​ & encrypted​​ {I

 

see You}.​​  & ​​ have so many questions

 

for You :: with{out} You :: of You​​ searching

 

for another. Planet. To​​ {re}

-descent.​​ Take a listen. Take​​ 

rest. It’s so tiring. I’m​​ tiring

 

of Your constant & intrinsic​​ 

 

 ​​ ​​​​ invisibility.​​ 

 

I crave.​​  {I see You,​​ Efes}

 

Not hiding but. {In} wait.​​ Efesito mio.​​ My dulce & little​​  {I will reduce}

 

unlike anything

 

nullifies not unlike—    I agree

 

with the dreamers. & dancers & healers {without you}. With viruses & needful​​ 

disease—  all those visionaries who make up a multiverse

 

of quivering little strings.​​ 

 

Even if they aren’t ​​  :: all ::​​  {of Your} singing​​ {without​​ 

 

YouI’m strung out with}& trembling.​​ 

 

If something doesn’t sing, then it is not real

   until You are   

 

 ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​​​   ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​​​ EVERYWHERE & WILL NOT DIE

    

::​​ in theory​​ ::

 

Take a rest. I’m tiring. Of time

{without you}​​   ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​​​ & matter

 ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​​​ 

 {I will bend you & backwards​​  & bang & boom—}

 

Patience. Partner

particles404 Error​​ {un

-founded} lest a

{higher energy—}

 

Patience.

 

Carry this​​ {out}.

You are to me

so unknowingly. What

reveals. A begetting most

 {—un-naturally}

 

 

*

 

 

I suspect.​​ Efes.​​ That You are the one.​​  Breaking.​​  Our {tinpot bolts & springs} Theory

Of Everything.

 

& how elegance is very.  ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​​​ & very wrong.

To trick us.  ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​​​ Into seducing. Gravity.

 

Only You. Flex.​​ {The Light}.

Against. & into. All

these little strings. I​​    suspect.​​ 

 

Dark energy is the result of​​ Efes.

Having Its way.

 

I am singing: Dark energy is the result of You having Your way.

 

Maiming every charge & spin ​​ 

as we ever & only know them.  Tempting us.  ​​​​ To

{jump, jump—}

 

Hallo. New. Zero​​ {-Point}

World. How will you end.

Me now. What will​​ 

You almost give. Just.​​ 

To {with}hold one. & last

ungracious bow?

 

 

*

 

 

Hallo​​ I’m pretty sure  ​​ ​​ ​​​​ my God  ​​ ​​ ​​​​ thinks I’ve lost​​ 

my way when I sing  ​​ ​​​​ my ears {are} full​​ 

 

of Dark Energy​​ Efes​​ 

 

 ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​​​ & all these planets

running away. Our universe

on the run. & savage.      

I {have} run away too{Most of my—}

Found in foreclosed. Alleys. Up. {Thunderstruck.} Trees. Attics. Dunes. Boneyards. The Sinai. Lost time. Down. Cliff. &. Motorcycle—

       

        Someone I could never see​​ 

        calls. My begetters. It was You

        who’d answer. Dust in thicket. Most

        punishing of Our truss. I never knew

 

my fate that night. Any​​ {sand-}

storm & broken branch. When

exactly my heart  ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​​​ would end

 

waiting for You.​​ Hallo.  ​​ ​​ ​​​​ I’m pretty

maimed. & the shaming of.  ​​​​ Asking.

What was wrong. Did You ever care.​​ 

 

To know the secrets.​​ I​​ possess.​​ 

What time I {ran with}​​ 

a sharing of darkness.

 

You have all. Your answers {the​​ 

night}. There’s no room.​​ 

To escape. & You.

Know that none.

Can hold

Me {I’m bending bars & singing electric third rails—}

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

—I boast in​​ Efes​​ voice: ​​ I’d like to bend a lot more than spacetime.

 

       {I’m growing​​  

wandering black holes in my eyes​​   ​​ ​​ ​​​​ they vibrate  ​​ ​​ ​​​​ ::  ​​ ​​​​ like drowning}

 

You want to be the greatest nothing​​ 

 

never told

 

  in full :: You want

 

an ever-expanding distance between us

  :: collapse each & every​​ 

 

 world until we are gonein You

 

{& without you}

 

 

*

 

To tellItAll​​ :: to sensesome

 

(to fabric{ate}​​  :: to populate​​ 

 

   & pluck ​​ starhorses​​ 

        on broken stringed lyre}

 

This is a year in my life of eroded energies  ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​​​ & nerves of misfire.

 

I spin​​  & spin ​​  a twisting neuron ::  ​​​​ You spin {in} dimensions

 

{I’ll never exist}

 

You strike in elevator  ​​ ​​ ​​​​ music  ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​​​ & burned

rubber nearly missing ​​   ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​​​ a red light You hiss

 

in gulls off abuelo’s rickety boat my tattered​​ 

sundress as tattered as storm-tossed  ​​ ​​​​ shore

 

 & wanton seaweed & wanton jellyfish {I

let} sting me without

  seeing You come to me at holy

  wall of a temple long gone​​ 

eating the prayer I stuck​​ 

between the stone

 

when I prayed in finite direction​​   & lived solitary

among my people,     my people all around

I could not no longer​​    ​​ hear    God

 

{was it you}​​ was it YouwithoutYou

 

coming to me in ports of call & gates teeming with delays

& lightning storms that ground

 

every single plane

awaiting at other airports I won’t leave

 

well enough

  & solid—

 

A mass in the throat of Your fate :: the fate whose second property​​   is mystery.

 

     The first  ​​​​ 

::

 

 who is singing​​ whoest

        who will be without stillness

        who said {auto}biography is not

 

          & only​​ 

 

   music

 

      ​​ ​​​​ of deep deep silence

     :: hyperspaceawakening ::

 

 

 

*

 

Think of a place​​ 

just like this one

in which everything

 

exists​​ 

as it is

& should be

 

    except you

     are not​​ 

     there—

 

one where my God only gives The Light  

 

& another where​​ Efes {is complete &} nullifies

      

unlike here, where You​​ 

 

are the reason why

we are just unstable enough

for 11 dimensions. Why 1::1

 

a fate

given

& not

shared

 

where One is my God

& One is the growing​​ 

power of

Isn’t.

 

 

*

 

 

It’s like this:​​  If I die ::​​  I’ll give birth to something​​  ::: to nullify.

 

I​​ promise. I’m partial to smacking​​ 

galactic dust

across bared

chests & broad

measures that reduce

 

my words to subatomic membranes

that croon much, much

more

     ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​​​ fatally.

 

 

*

 

 

Say Isn’t could be. Everything.​​ 

Take our 11 dimensional. Multiverse.​​ 

I. Say:​​ make more. Because why stop there I know

 

I wouldn’t

& I’m just one​​ 

body or set of rules

I break in a heartbeat

for a feeling

of thrill

wreckless

wrecklessam​​ 

I another long long trick

of existence​​  still burning

 

like a halogen

   -lit hot

  plate I leave on after the fire burns​​ 

an entire world  & mass

burial is the only possible

memory  ​​ ​​ ​​​​ taken​​ 

& annulled

 {Efes, teeming through me

  ​​​​ beyond electric  ​​ ​​​​  ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​​​ I feel

 

        ​​​​ smaller things​​ 

        ​​​​ than neutrinos}

 

 

I will love You impossible 12th​​ dimension

 

I will love You irascibly  ​​​​  & irresistibly​​ hard

 

I will You love You enough to question

 

Why the others think they know numbers {those worlds

 

entire—} & how each behaves {always so perfectly}

 

If anyone were to say​​ I​​ was​​ their​​ idea

 

Of {one}   I’d immediately

 

Split into 1::1​​ 

 

+ 11

 

+ 1 & burst

    into choking​​ 

    ecstatic little strings

 

oh I’d take breath away

 as 12th​​ dimension &​​ skun​​ flesh

  to increase for pleasure​​  of the sudden

  last gasp there would be not time for them  ​​ ​​​​ to draw {in}

 

I’d end  ​​ ​​​​ singing them​​   to sleep with all my little​​ 

 

vibrations & still​​  would it be​​  more simpleyes​​ 

 

Than it isyes

For you{yes}

To existyes

As nullificationyes

 

 

*

 

 

Nothing’s as simple as saying a vampire bunny thumps & grinds​​ 

 

His fangs only when something much worse is coming for those dead

 

Eyes red & wide when it’s a case of mistaken identity {I see You Efes} I’m onto

 

You the thumping is in control of the bunny & the undead bunny’s destiny

 

Of forces yet unnamed I get it that You desire me as You desire

 

All things  ​​ ​​​​ though ​​ I can bind & clinch  ​​ ​​​​ my vibrations​​  

 

Stronger  ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​​​ let him drain me choke {on} lesser eternities

 

I won’t let it undead me or ask for one more day no

 

I won’t ask for mercy just

 

One more

 

Kiss

*

 

 

& if You remain​​ unfounded​​ is it

     a death​​ 

 

       that ends not too :: with us?​​ 

 

& if I jam Your projections

     hot & dense

     graffitied on

     falling fence

  

       would You last known

       survivor swim upside

-down through worm-

hole &​​   come face-

to-face with Your other​​ 

half Absolute

 ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​​​ & Perfected?

 

How long you must be​​  & weary of Each​​ 

 

Other & seeking  ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​​​ hope​​ 

 

& sorrow & sanctity within​​ 

 

:: {burning} :: ​​ me

 ​​​​ 

doubtful​​ 

& aching

endless​​   ​​ ​​​​ tunnel

 

       of ecstasy

 

not yet reaching One​​ 

 

Another?

 

I have been pulled in many directions & dragged along

invisible bridgings  ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​​​ without one last road only​​ 

 

more long & annular vibrations

   that will not close​​ 

nor circle

 

back. Do You hear how. You Each sing this through.

Me. & I sing too. Transmission :: Creator.  ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​​​ Love{r}

 

:: Void. It’s 3:25 am on the second day of Sep-

tember. I won’t press {enter} to finish the last

 

word. I will remember this day. What it takes to. Re-

verse the last of waning quasar. Singing promises of

 

new stars I chose. Love over proof. Of witness. To-

morrow will come as. I’m hot & dense & pulsating​​ 

 

without predictions  ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​​​ ::​​ Your longing​​   ​​ ​​​​ of long dances​​ ::​​ 

opening Your mouth for the first time  ​​ ​​ ​​​​ I was the opposite​​ 

 

side​​  a four-dimensional bridge torn  ​​ & trembling

   

The voice of my God

   Your unspoken Twin

   Who too was not​​ 

alone​​ 

in self-

 

suspicions​​    did We not trip

 

 

The Light together  ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​​​ ::​​ enjambed​​ ::

 

 

wreckless​​ &

ramshackle​​ 

threads​​ binded​​ 

&​​ {unsounding}​​  in un-

equal doubt &​​  

immeasurable​​   ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​​​  dread how

even numbers are nothing​​ 

promised nor

blessed​​  

 

 

when You final

-ly touch​​ 

 

One Another​​  &​​ 

 

rip​​ 

 

right through me—

 

 

will I be  ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​​​ still

there& already​​ 

 

 

 

a little too​​ 

 ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​​​  ::  ​​ ​​​​ late​​  ​​ ::

 

& losing

 

light that will​​ 

not escape

 

when I no longer {have}

matter​​ 

 

:: vision ultra-

violet & infra-

    red will You not

 

see me then

  without end

 

  a :: other side​​ 

 

   a sea

   endlessly​​ 

 ​​​​          ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​​​ :: spinning ::

 

 

I drift upon what​​ last​​ 

words​​   ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​​​ {I} won’t

 

    : :: sling-

{shot}​​ faulty & error :: :

 

    

 was it :: {in would be} :: ever :: real

   

 ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​​​ is there {am next} & will we

 

 ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​​​ :: sing ::

 

 

​​ {o perhaps You

 ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​​​ & You & I​​ 

will until

something

 

:: Greater than ::​​ 

 

gives—}​​ 

 

 

o o o what if

 ​​ ​​​​  

{what if}

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author’s Note:​​ Efes is​​ Modern Hebrew for “Zero,​​ but​​ in mystical Jewish texts​​ can mean​​ “to nullify, to conceal.​​ The Author also proposes that Efes​​ is:​​ responsible for​​ Dark Energy, vampire bunnies​​ & insomnia; insatiable lover; enemy of mathematics & elegant equations; Creation’s Twin; presents​​ Nullification​​ properties as possible​​ Transformation​​ (rather than destruction) of matter; does not abide by any law; changes the riddle.

 

 

About the Author

Rosebud Ben-Oni is the winner of the 2019 Alice James Award for If This Is the Age We End Discovery, forthcoming in 2021, and the author of turn around, BRXGHT XYXS (Get Fresh Books, 2019). She is a recipient of fellowships from the New York Foundation for the Arts (NYFA) and CantoMundo. Her work appears in POETRY, The American Poetry Review, POETS.org, The Poetry Review (UK), Tin House, Guernica, Black Warrior Review, Prairie Schooner, Electric Literature, TriQuarterly, Hayden’s Ferry Review, The Journal ,Hunger Mountain, The Adroit Journal, The Southeast Review, North American Review, Salamander, Poetry Northwest, among others. Her poem "Poet Wrestling with Angels in the Dark" was commissioned by the National September 11 Memorial & Museum in New York City, and published by The Kenyon Review Online. She writes for The Kenyon Reviewblog. She is currently editing a special chemistry poetry portfolio for Pleiades, and is finishing a series called The Atomic Sonnets, in honor of the Periodic Table’s 150th Birthday. Find her at 7TrainLove.org

LitStyle staff

LitStyle is yr spot for all yr favorite baadassery!

If you’d like to submit or pitch  your own review/interview/article for LitStyle please email us at 521magazine@gmail.com

Tags:
#thesideshow| Micro-poetry| October 2019