#thesideshow June 5th 2016 The Evermind by Faris Naimi
June 5, 2016
Craig A. Hart
Musings of a Premature Curmudgeon by Craig A. Hart #4: Greetings Dear Commrades
June 6, 2016

Sopphey Says #1:Sexting Explored

Sopphey Says # 4 Fatal Attractions by Sopphey Vance
by Sopphey Vance

Ever have those moments when the front door opens in front of you and you’re led inside? And then you go around the room greeting overjoyed “Sopphey”s and you mingle. You grab a Dr Pepper and before you can click your worn out sneakers to the tune, ‘there’s no place like home,’ you take your shirt off. Your back exposed.

Okay, maybe it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. But ever have those moments when you throw caution for the sake of enjoyment–entertainment–perhaps a satisfaction of the more sexual nature through a text? Nowadays people call that sexting.

There’s all forms of sexting. There’s the quick exchange of lustful images with expiration dates. There’s the casual video. Improper voice message with a delightful cheer. Then there’s good old word to word combat. One syllable against the other, sliding in and out of grammar to attain…well sex.

Quick disclaimer before continuing, I do believe there are other motives behind sexting like building a relationship, flirting with someone for a future engagement, or perhaps filling the passage of time.

Regardless of the reason, and method, here are some DOs and DO NOTs that can be useful if you so choose to pursue, well do I have to repeat myself? Let’s continue.

DO NOT sext in a public bathroom. Okay so you’re in a public place. Things get trigger happy, words fly around in 120 characters or less. OMG, there’s a bathroom and things get physical. Stop! Before you start fandangling your jewels and progress to snapping videos or photos you need to remember one thing: you’re in a public restroom. Repeat after me, under no circumstances, I (state your name) will not snap photos or videos of the sexual nature in a public bathroom because that cannot end well. Look, there’s enough controversy with restrooms right now. Be safe. Keep yourself sext free in public bathrooms.

DO sext discreetly whenever you can. Looking at your phone at the intersection? Ooh, baby. Putting your phone on silent before a meeting. Yes, please. Pulling some files around? Hello, desire. It’s like a cat and mouse game. Send a message while getting coffee. Find a rusing response by lunch. Respond with a fiercer, more tantalizing tale. Hey, you meet up later and the sparks have already ignited and…

DO NOT follow the beaten path of pick-up lines. You may or may not be a visuals type, but do not ask the following questions to your sext partner:

What are you wearing?

What color is your underwear?

Puhlease, you sure as hell know the other person could be wearing clothes. Underwear are stupid colors. It will do you know good to know the color…okay unless you absolutely need to know.

DO be creative in your approach. Try something like:

Are you wearing my favorite button up shirt? If you were I’d slowly pull the buttons off with my lips.

Or, you could be sexting someone wearing a bra:

I’d love it if you weren’t wearing a bra.

It’s an idea. Not a hard fast rule, but sometimes you don’t want to be creative in your approach so you sharpen that pen:

You drive me mad. I need to see you right now.

Sexy? Perhaps, try it on someone and hope it works for you. This wasn’t the tell-all to sexting, but I hope you have a newer guideline to the activity. Remember to be safe when practicing lustful activities, and always have fun. Well, no need to go into more detail there.


Sopphey Vance the poet, yarn artist, and legend resides in South Texas where he battles dragons and unicorns for Five 2 One Magazine.

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