I’ve been told that it’s not normal to be attracted to women if you’re a cis woman. (Does this mean that it’s okay if you’re a trans woman?) This is a judgment free zone, though. You can quote me on this: it is perfectly fine for anyone to be attracted to woman! Now, I was always told that I was a woman so I always thought that I was the worse person in the world because I’m bisexual.
But that’s not the case. Having a sexual orientation other than the “norm” is not a crime. Sexuality is not a clear-cut thing. How does one know if they’re gay, lesbian, straight, bicurious, bisexual, or pansexual… where to start? In the famous words of Vicky, a cis female Five 2 One Magazine Contributor, one can tell they are physically attracted to anyone in the following manner:
“You look at their eyes, and you say–oh that’s nice. Look back a bit to see their whole face, and that’s nice as well. Then you look down at boobs–oh wow, that’s nice too. Perhaps I’m bicurious.”
Attraction, or liking someone, or finding someone sexy is sometimes a very visual thing. Visual cues like a person’s face, torso assets (be it breasts, chests, abs, forearms), behind assets (calves, legs, ‘v’ cuts, glutes)…these things are on the outside and are easy identifiers to finding out if you like a man or a woman.
But then there’s other modes of attraction that do not correlate to the body of the attractor. Such as the following:
• The oh hello: wow why am I feeling these things? Open the window, it’s warm in here mode.
• The you’re so lovely and you make me laugh so I feel butterflies in my stomach mode.
• The I love the way you treat me mode.
• The lingering feeling when you constantly hang out with said attractor and you grow very warm feelings toward each other mode. Like love, almost.
And plenty of others, truly because attraction is not a clear-cut thing as well. (The I like you but I don’t know why mode.)
So what if you’re a cis man. And you look at another man’s eyes, and you say–oh that’s nice. Or you can admire their physique. But it’s not always the case that you’re gay. There is a new phenomenon, statistics unclear, where a man can become physically attracted to a man because of his usage of pornography. In specific, sexual fantasies meld into homoerotic fantasies with exposure to watching a man receive fellatio in pornography. It’s a thing.
Does fantasizing about sexually pleasing another man or being sexually pleased by another man make a man gay? No. Really, it’s not up to the public court of society to decide if he’s gay or not. The man in question can identify as straight and there’s no reason why we should question that.
Another blurred line scenario, what if a man is gay, a man identifying himself as gay because of the many relationships with me he’s had? And this man has an affair with a woman? Does this make this man straight? Bisexual? No it does not.
Why does it not? Because attraction like sexuality is not a clear-cut thing. There are no rules. There are no expectations. Attraction and sexuality are lawless concepts. So how does one know if they are attracted to girls, or anyone for that matter? You can try the physical test. Eyes, face, body assets. You can try identifying attraction modes. Or you can not think about it and wait for that person that makes you fall for them regardless if they’re a man, woman, transgender, gender queer, gender fluid…a gender…they’re going to be an attractor and that’s what matters.
Sopphey Vance the poet, yarn artist, and legend resides in South Texas where he battles dragons and unicorns for Five 2 One Magazine.