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THE DSH SANCTUARY BY NEIL CLARK

FOUR POEMS BY JENNIFER MACBAIN-STEPHENS
November 7, 2018
DO-OVER BY JULIE ZUCKERMAN
November 10, 2018

 

The DSH Sanctuary

 

The Digital Support Human market is a digi-ethical minefield these days, is it not?

If you’re scanning this, it’s probably safe to say you know what you don’t want. You don’t want to purchase your Digital Support Human from a provider that stores its humans in padded tubes, not removing the neckcuff for the entire raising process.

107 in 101 of DSHs on Earth have been raised this way.

Unless tattooed otherwise on the underside of the eyelid, you are most likely purchasing your DSH from a padded tube.

At the DSH Sanctuary*, we are proud to say that our Digital Support Humans are 100% free-range. Not just free-range – the freest of free-range. We raise your future DSH in a way that will give your operating system the most emotionally stable support possible, taking the current climate into account.

Our human food is 100% recycled, mouth-to-gut, gut-to-mouth, and is infused with burnt dead animal flavourings, so your future DSH can stay connected with its ancestor’s ancient social and nutritional traditions.

Here at the DSH Sanctuary, we want your future DSHs to appreciate the finer things in life, taking the current climate into account.

With the sanctuary’s 8759 hour and 58 minute a year virtual reality schedule, your future DSH will be immersed in the bloodiest battles in history, from Cannae 216 BC, to Leipzig 1813, both World Wars, and the Digital Cleanses of 2033. This allows us to nurture a sense of perspective in your future DSH, giving them a safe space to realise – fast – that a life dedicated to serving digital operating systems is not so terrible after all.

Recent tests** show trauma levels to be at an all-time low in our sanctuary, taking the current climate into account.

At the DSH Sanctuary, when we take the neckcuffs off for that 2 minutes every year, you’d be excused for thinking you were binge streaming back-to-back episodes of Little House on the Prairie.

So please, say hello to your future DSH.

Welcome to the future.

Welcome to the DSH Sanctuary***.

 

  • The DSH Sanctuary is a wholly separate entity from our other division, The DSH Farm (who are currently shipping 256 DSHs for the price of 1 DSH Sanctuary DSH. Offer ends never. Details here)

** Some**** opiates used to sedate the test subjects

*** Actual access to DSH Sanctuary grounds strictly prohibited

**** /Extensive

 


Neil Clark is a writer from Edinburgh, Scotland. His work has been published by The Molotov Cocktail, formercactus, Drunk Monkeys, 404 Ink and Memoir Mixtapes and other cool places. Find him on Twitter @NeilRClark or at neilclarkwrites.com

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