Ok yes it was everything. I’ve done enough praying today.

Two Poems by Sheena Carroll
August 13, 2018
Analoger by Rebecca Gransden
August 15, 2018

Ok yes it was everything. I’ve done enough praying today.

 

Waiting for your dad to die

seems like a good place

to start. Can you believe

I forgot about that? I

forgot we broke up

because your dad

was dying and you

wanted to move back

home. What could I

have written to keep us

together? Was there a

combination

of words that wasn’t

I understand

I understand

goodbye?

 

I don’t know

if your dad died.

I unfollowed you

on Instagram. You

deleted all our pictures

together. I’m tired of

writing about fathers.

I’m tired of writing you.

Here’s my mother

instead. She looks like

me but sad and without

eyebrows. I’ve never

written a poem about

her. I’d like to say

it’s because she’d hate

what I said about her

eyebrows but really

I don’t know how to write

about anything that isn’t

a man.

 

Here’s my crazy mom,

my crazy sister,

my crazy grandmother

who killed herself

in Tuscon.

Women are fucking

crazy or at least

that’s what my dad told me.

Here’s my best friend

with her soft hand leading me

like a little kid through

the pit at a show

and crazy me

following along.

 

I stopped saying

I love you

as an apology.

I’m trying to

be more honest.

I stopped faking

orgasms. I tell

every man I meet

he will never

be equal to the

imagined future

without him.

 

These are the better times:

cardamom like

springtime

in Santa Fe,

apple blossoms

wet flagstone

chamisa

losing my virginity

in a bed with

blue velvet

curtains to a

boy who still

slept with

a security blanket.

I’ve never written

about that before either

because it’s too sad

and I don’t like to be

sad or think about

the way the same boy

who was really a man

and his best friend

tried to rape me while we were

drunk two years later.

 

No wonder we

all go fucking crazy.

A guy named Maxx

with two x’s said

people are infinite

while his fingers were

inside me once.

He lives in Burlington

with his Instagram.

I’ve never loved

anyone the way

I’m supposed to,

the way my mother

loves by throwing

a saucepan at the wall

and screaming

listen to me!

Listen to me!

Can’t you just hurt

me the way

I want to be hurt?

She really said that

and I really felt

bottomless.

 


Gion Davis is a second year MFA Poetry candidate at the University of Massachusetts in Amherst. They are the co-founder and co-host of Dead Bird Reading Series and their poetry has been featured in Bad Nudes Magazine. They grew up on a ranch in northern New Mexico, received their undergraduate degree in writing in Vermont, and now lives in Northampton, Massachusetts. Gion can be found on Instagram @starkstateofmind.